|
Return to
Current IPS Features
Return
to Catalogue
IPS
Features Staff
International
Press Service
|
|
Funny if it happens to someone else
I
need to print this disclaimer: THE FOLLOWING IS FUNNY ONLY BECAUSE IT
DIDN'T HAPPEN TO ME. You know the drill...... one of your friends,
relatives, tells you about something (horrible to them) that happened-
and all the while you are thinking: 'this is so darn hilarious'. Of
course, were the shoe on the other foot, and the situation happened to
YOU- that hilarity would immediately turn to horror and humor would
definitely NOT abound. However, that being said, the story I am about to
relay did indeed happen to my Aunt Glenda, which of course makes it a
mirthful telling on my part.
It all began when my Uncle Dallas had surgery. I think gallbladder, but
that part is pretty irrelevant to the tale of the damage a man can do
when he has too much down time. As she tells it, he was laid up for
quite some time and while recovering from surgery, he discovered the
magical world of television. But it seems that poor Uncle Dallas was
discontent with just WATCHING the television- he needed some
interaction. (I am just repeating what I was told here!) It was then
that he discovered the Home Shopping Channel. It was on this station
that he was able to purchase the single most effective cooking
implement since the first caveman discovered fire. This pan, if I may
stoop so low as to call this fabulous culinary basic such a menial name,
CAN DO EVERYTHING. It can steam, it can bake, it can fry, it can make
muffins, it can poach eggs- all with an ease herebefore thought
impossible.
But wait- there's more! For just a nominal fee extra, he was told by the
operator on the phone, he could purchase fabulous recipes
which would make cooking in this magical implement even easier and even
better. These recipes would make cooking a snap and never again would my
aunt sigh about preparing a meal- why, the pan would practically cook it
all up for her. All she needed to do was turn on the burner and watch it
go!
And, as glorious as all of that sounds, (and indeed it does sound quite
fantastic)- that was not all. Because for a tiny, (minuscule,
really, when you think about it) cost extra he could purchase
a special muffin pan which fit perfectly inside of the cooker, as well
as a steamer and a few other extra special bonuses that really were
quite necessary when it came right down to it.
To give the man his due; the pan IS really nice. I was pretty impressed
with it myself when my aunt heated up some meat in it. In fact, before I
heard the saga of how it came to reside in her kitchen, I was thinking
(I am dead serious here) "I wonder where one gets such a nice
deep pan?.... it appears to be totally non-stick!" The funny
part of the story is really how a nice, non shopaholic man
could so easily turn into a buying machine when he has too much free
time to stare at the tube.
Which brings us to my Aunt Glenda's new greatest fear. "He just
retired last week."
"I know; that's really great." I replied, missing her point
entirely. "Now he'll be able to enjoy fishing and your great house
a lot more."
"But if he could buy all of this," she said, sweeping her
hands to encompass the massive spread of cards, tools and cooking
implements, "just while he was laid up from surgery......
what might he buy now that he's retired?"
I had to weakly say again that it was really a nice pan; and that most
likely his home shopping days were a bug once bitten, twice shy. After
all, the phone operator DID take massive advantage of what she or he
knew was a win-win situation- a man with access to a credit card and
nothing but time to hear of "today's only" specials. And
really, when you think about it, I told my aunt, it was really a very,
very FUNNY story! It made me hold my sides with laughter just pondering
poor Uncle Dallas hoping my Aunt would cook up all those great recipes
on the card in her great new pan.
Of
course, this is the kind of story that is really only hilarious because
it wasn't MY hubby buying up a storm in hopes of some culinary delights
to come. Had it been HIM, the story would have been decidedly UNfunny
and really quite disturbing. Not only would I be alarmed by the amount
of money that had gone out the window for this purchase, but I would be
EQUALLY if not MORE alarmed by the prospect that he would somehow think
that this item would turn me into Julia Child or better. YIKES! Luckily
for me; my husband is fairly healthy at the moment and has NO down time
whatsoever- and I plan to keep it that way for as long as possible.
|
