Kimra Traynor Herb

Side
Streets
by
Kimra Traynor Herb
IPS Features

Blame it on the cable guy

There seems to be a whole new television market centered around voyeurism. Frankly, I am appalled. And fascinated. I had, up to a recent downfall, taken great intellectual pride that I was "above" watching any reality television show and had never, NO NEVER, watched a single episode of "Survivor" or "Big Brother Two" "American Model Search", or "American Idol." I held my time in higher esteem, as I told it, and would not waste my time watching other people live their lives; no thank you- I barely had time to live my own life.
I blame my downfall on the cable guy. Out here in the 'burbs where I live, we have had consistently horrible quality cable. Along came satellite television and that service lured many of the local customers away, forcing our cable company to upgrade and improve our service. So for the first time in the six years I have lived in this community, our cable is on par with that of at least a third world country and our channel selection has improved vastly. The only problem with this upgrade is that it changed every single channel to a new number on the television. Which prompted me to search for CBS, the channel that carries "Jeopardy" a show I do claim to watch. It was during this search for Jeopardy that something happened within my family, causing me, mid-click, to abandon my search and leave the television on another channel.
Not just ANY channel, mind you, but FOX- that dreaded carrier of all manners of vile reality shows. When I came back into the room a half hour later, a new show was starting on the television. A REALITY show- horror of all horrors- and a doozy at that. "Trading Spouses; Meet Your New Mommy".
Okay, I know it was wrong. I should have just said "no" and walked away; turning the television off to save myself. But the promo hooked me. ME! The so-called "intellect" who considered herself waaaayyyyyyyy too informed to be sucked into a void of reality television. But hey, in my defense, who could resist seeing a very wealthy, thin, educated, blonde California mom trade places with a hefty, somewhat slovenly, somewhat impoverished Massachusetts woman? The prospect of watching this saga unfold was more than I could turn my back upon. So I grabbed some lowfat pretzels, poured myself a big glass of water and bunkered in for the fallout of this mismatch.
The big surprise for me was that the California mom turned out to be so..... nice. She went to that trailer in Massachusetts and charmed every single member of that family. The dad couldn't believe his luck- his sarcastic dumpy wife had been replaced with a gorgeous thin blonde- who helped him make better food choices for his family and prompted him to give "positive reinforcement" to his children- apparently a concept lost on the family, prior to her arrival.
Conversely, the Massachusetts mom wasn't exactly embraced by the California family. Loud and brash, she attempted to boss the children and husband around in what I guess was the manner she typically used with her own family. It was RIVETING viewing, I tell ya, I couldn't tear my eyes from the screen as all of this unfolded.
My husband went into the kitchen with a book and wouldn't come out for anything, even when I screamed stuff like, "YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS!"
"No." His voice returned from the kitchen. "You are not dragging me down with you."
"But it is just so FUNNY!" I replied, watching the California mom bowling with her new lower middle class family.
My shameful slip into the world of reality television made me realize how easy it would be to spend way more time than I would like, watching other people live lives created by unnatural outside forces, just so that Colgate can sell a little bit more toothpaste and Mentos a few more packs of refreshing mint candies. I pulled back from the lure of the unfolding drama, and though the show was continued to the next night (the two moms were going to get to meet, face to face and boy howdy, then the sparks would fly) I did not tune in to see what would happen.
I think I'll be okay; that I will never slip up again and take time from what is already an overbooked life just to watch someone else trying to cope with whatever artificial circumstances have been thrust upon them. I most likely will be able to stay away; to just say no; that is, unless the cable company decides to give us another free upgrade and I once again am forced to search for "Jeopardy".