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Danny |
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Yassir,
that’s my baby, Yassir, I don’t mean maybe, Yassir, that’s my baby
now-wow- - (arpeggio/key change): Osama
lies over the ocean, Osama lies over the sea, Osama
lies over the ocean, O bring back Osama to me.
Bring back, bring back- - Okay
ENOUGH!!!! How
come it’s the last gasp before the election and we’re talking about
these two guys? Camera
hogs. At
the end of My Little Chickadee
W C Fields is about to be strung up by a lynch mob in a case of mistaken
identity. Someone asks him
if he has any last wishes and he replies:
“I’d like to see Paris before I die”.
Realizing the improbability of that, he adds: “Philadelphia
will do.” Now Yassir Arafat turns to the camera and
intones in his best W C Fields impersonation (assuming Arafat can do W C
Fields): “I’d like to
see Paris before I die. Philadelphia
will do”. No
sir, Yassir, Philadelphia doesn’t want you.
You get Paris. I
guess he has a better HMO than most- -Dictator’s
Life? Imagine your
health insurance company paying for a trip to Paris for blood work?
Probably not. How
about the lab at the local medical building?
More like it. And
then overcharging you. And
what’s with the wall-to-wall live coverage of Yassir in his
oversized-fuzzy hat and his entourage as his helicopter lifts off for
Amman, Jordan where he gets the connecting flight to Paris?
Like, who cares? I
already know the meal was chicken and chips.
But what was the movie? Raid On Entebbe? That
would have been appropriate. But
it was probably Gigi. You can rent the video. And
speaking of videos. Guess
who’s back with a new fall classic just in time for your holiday-gift
giving? Aerosmith?
Backstreet Boys? Madonna?
Wyclef Jean? Prodigy? Puff
Daddy? Björk? Green Day? Naw, but nice try. It’s
Osama!! He’s ba-a-a-a-a-a-ck!!
And his new video has all the class and production values of
anything he’s ever done. It’s
a shoe-in for an MTV Video Award next time.
The lighting is good. The
set is good. And it’s got all the energy you’ve come to expect from
this one-man dynamo. Man,
it doesn’t come any better than this.
He looks better than ever- -sort of like Chico Marx wearing
Gandalf’s beard. Or maybe
that’s Dumbledore’s beard. Hmmm.
But it sure is Chico!! So there you have it. Segue
to a video clip of G W Dunce, from a couple of years ago, saying, in
reference to Osama: “He
can run, but he can’t hide.” Now
in your best Elmer Fudd voice say:
“Oh reewy?” Seems
as though he’s done a pretty good job of both.
He only pokes his head up when he wants, wike that pesky wabbit.
You ca-an’t find him.
Wee Geordie has run his campaign on how he’s the guy who can
catch the terrorists. But
for over three years he hasn’t got anything more to show for Osama
than his greatest hits collection of videos.
If Bushie’s the guy to catch the terrorists, why hasn’t he
done so? What’s he waiting for?
This is reminiscent of the Nixon plan to end the Vietnam War -
-by bombing Cambodia. Close,
but no cigar. And speaking of cigars. It’s
good to see the Ole Sly Possum up and around stumping for Kerry.
I can’t help it if Bill Clinton reminds me of Pogo:
“We has met the enemy and they is us.”
Don’t remember? Look
it up. We’d be in a lot
better shape if he could have had a third term.
Oh well, he’ll get a couple more when Hillary takes over. It’s really hard for the news shows to say much more about the
candidates anymore, because we’ve seen all we care to see of them.
They think we’d rather watch Arafat get a blood draw or Ashlee
Simpson try to explain away her performance malfunction on SNL. Or for some of us, nothing would be better than to run the World
Series videos again. Schilling and Pedro. Manny
and Ortiz. Kerry and Bush.
Osama and Yassir. It’s sort of like pairing up beasts for The Ark. Ready to cast off? Here we go again!
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