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Danny |
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My name is Danny McBride and I approved this column There are close to 300 million people in the United States these days. About a quarter of them vote, given that some are too young, others are too lazy or unconcerned and others are just too dumb to know what’s going on at all. We probably all know some of each. So
that’s a ballpark figure of about 75 or 80 million people that vote.
Of those- -let’s make the math easy, at least I
need to- -Of those, about 35 or 36 million people on each side know how
they are going to vote- -Kerry or Bush.
Only about 8 million people are not sure- -The Undecided- -sounds
like a Clint Eastwood movie. “Make
my day”. So we know that before the election nightmare is once again
thrown to Poppy’s Supreme Court to re-anoint Little Bushie, the total
each side will spend will add up to about a billion with a “B”
dollars. Instead of wasting
the money on TV ads, they should each go door-to-door and hand out the
money in person. Each of
the undecided voters would receive as much as $125.
If someone came to your door and said “Here’s a hundred
bucks. Vote for me”
wouldn’t it be a lot easier? Then the rest of us wouldn’t have to sit through those
intolerable ads and could go back to watching American Idol, Survivor and
CSI. I
mean, the ads look stupid. There’s
the President in montage with firefighters and 9-1-1 victims, and then
when the ad is over they cut back to the reality of him sitting there on
Al Jazeera TV going “humminah, humminah, humminah, humminah…our
military does not behave like that and people will be punished.”
John
Kerry is almost as uninteresting in his spots.
“I was privileged to go to Yale so I decided I should enlist,
unlike my opponent, who also went to Yale, but won’t mention it in his
ads because he did not enlist” or some such drivel.
Kerry
has a way of saying things like a bad oral book report in seventh grade:
“As for me, I, myself, think, that for me, this is the wrong tactic,
in other words, that the tactic is wrong.”
It sounds like “I read this book because this was the book I
read. If you read it too
I’m sure you will feel as I do that this is one of the many books you
could have read and did read.” “Me,
I, myself”??? Please. I
Me Me Mine- -G Harrison. Of
course Bushie still talks like that seventh-grade oral report all the
time, except he didn’t read the book.
“Economics is one of the many things we have to consider when
we think of our economy and the various factors of
our economy.” In
the past couple of months George Bush’s campaign machine has tried to
hammer John Kerry into the ground like an old fence post. They’ve spent 60 million dollars on TV ads and all it has
gotten them is a statistical dead-heat in the polls.
The difference between the two men is still within the
plus-or-minus margin of error. Kerry
hasn’t had to do much, with events unfolding in his favor on an almost
daily basis- -Richard Clarke, Bob Woodward, John Dean, Joe Wilson-
-there are so many books out there revealing what “those behind the
curtain have been up to, Toto”, that he just needs to work on his tan. Plus
there is the testimony from- -Condi Rice “Al Qaeda, al Qaeda- -now
where have I heard that name before?”--And Wolfie Wolfowitz “I dunno,
maybe two hundred, four hundred dead, I dunno.” - -Try over 700 as of
the day you said that, Wolfie. Couldn’t
you have bothered to check? These
are good American kids we’re talking about here, you dumb bastard, and
that’s all the concern you can muster?
And John Ashcroft- -whose own justice department is investigating
him for campaign irregularities in his losing Senate race four years
ago- -the one where he was beaten by the late Mel Carnahan who had died
tragically in a plane crash three weeks before the election and still
managed to beat Ashcroft- -that’s how much the people in the “Show
Me” state wanted to show me and you how much they despised Ashcroft. Now
the hideous debacle in Iraq grows worse with every newscast, as picture
after picture flashes across the screen, and all the finger-pointing and
buck-passing is rolling into high gear.
Rumsfeld before the House and Senate, Cheney speaking in Fulton,
Missouri, where Sir Winston Churchill gave his famous “Iron Curtain”
speech, and Cheney presumptively trying to sound as self-important as
Winnie by using the same venue to slam Kerry.
Give me a rest. Dick
Cheney and Winston Churchill have one thing in common- - both their last
names start with the same letter. After
that, Dick, the comparison is like Teddy Roosevelt and Bullwinkle- -they
were each Bull Moose. Guess
which one you are, you bald-headed stooge, or perhaps stooge with
antlers would be more appropriate.
It’s a wonder you’re not in handcuffs quoting Spiro Agnew:
“Nolo Contendere”. Hey
Dubya, look it up. Hint:
It’s Latin. Somebody look it up for him.
Senator Kerry may not be the firebrand
super-charismatic-(isticexpialidocious) candidate that is truly needed
to charge the electorate to action to remove these despots before the
whole world rebukes us, but he’s a decent man and our only hope. Sorry, Ralph. G’bye. George Bush, in referring to the Abu Ghraib
prison debauchery told Al-Arabiya TV that the America he knows doesn’t
behave this way. Well,
the America I know doesn’t invade non-combatant countries on a WMD
whim. Senator
Kerry now gets a chance to spend his next $25 million to define himself
on TV. It’s reported that
he lives on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on whole wheat bread
while campaigning. Let’s
see a little bit of this guy
or it will be Snoopy-in-the-tank time.
Bush
is so beatable, even with those Diebold touch-screen voting machines
with no paper trails one third of the country will be using. They are already being outlawed here in Cal-EE-phony-a.
Hopefully the rest of the country will wake up in time before
November. Dear
John, PLEASE come down from
your Ivy League Tower and get your fingernails dirty, or the Evil
Vulcans will smirk their way into Term Two and we will all be peanut
butter toast. And yes, I
DID approve this column. |
