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Danny |
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I
actually like the salt-and-pepper beard look for a mature man.
It looks good on Sean Connery.
It looks good on Gene Hackman.
Too bad Walter Matthau is no longer with us.
He’d look great with one.
He would have made a great Saddam.
Just picture him with that beard and wild eyes, but with the same
accent he’d order corned beef with as Oscar Madison.
“I am too still the President of Iraq.
Put the mustard on the side.
No pickle. And you
have no right to try me in this cockatoo court.”
Wait a minute. Cockatoo.
Isn’t that Robert Blake? Well
anyway, some stupid bird. Kangaroo
court, I guess. Whatever. No
longer wearing a fine Italian suit but dressed like he missed his
fitting appointment at 3-Day Suit Brokers, Saddam clanked into court the
other day to hear the word on what the goods are against him. He was cuffed and shackled and sounded like Marley’s Ghost
as he approached the courtroom from the adjacent hall- -no, not Bob- -Jacob
Marley. Malice In Chains. This
was just the prelim, sort of like a grand jury hearing.
“We believe we have enough evidence to prove you gassed the
Kurds, executed religious leaders and political opponents, invaded
Kuwait, and, in fact, more charges than you can throw a Scud at.” “I
am still the President of
Iraq. This corned beef
could be a lot leaner. I’m
on a health kick, you know. Already
lost about 20 pounds. President!
Do you hear me?” Ever
since Saddam was dragged out of his Spidey Hole at the Tikrit Club Med
and de-loused- -and of course de-Ba’athed- -and I know, de-plane,
boss, de-plane- - he’s been kept under wraps by the U S Military.
During the “Imaginary-Hand-Over-Of-Power Ceremony” the other
day, Saddam was “officially” placed in Iraqi custody.
But we all know it was more like one of those
“time-share-condo-deals”, where you get to see a picture
of your future vacation home, but you never actually get to go there, even if you sit through the two-hour pitch to get the free
night at the hotel in Vegas. You
think we’re really turning him over?
Chalabi blunt? Guess
what? No way.
Can’t you see him escaping?
Saddam on the lam? I
don’t think so. So
now we, the country of moral relativism, will determine how the Iraqis
will determine Hussein’s fate. We’re
the guys who changed the rules to include torture, preemptive strikes-
-like Lucky Strikes only not
as mild- -L S M F T-
-Logistical Strikes Mean First Termination- -and the restriction of
civil liberties- -and isn’t that a great thing to be celebrating this
Fourth of July week! Meanwhile,
some 10,000 miles away, another corned beef sandwich- -in fact three of
them on white bread with mayo- -are cursing across the heartland- -or
maybe that’s cruising. Big Dick Cheney is riding a big red, white and blue bus and
stuffing his face with all the greasy deli food he can eat.
Vice President “Ham on Wry” is campaigning. West
Virginia, Pennsylvania and Ohio will get to hear the fat gasbag claim
the moral high ground over the urbane Senator from Beacon Hill and
Nantucket. It’s sort of
like Curly from the Three Stooges pleading his case against Clifton Webb
or Clark Gable, except Curly didn’t use the “F” word nearly as
often. Nyuk.
Nyuk. Nyuk. And
the funny part is that the local Republican Guard has found enough
people to fill a church basement here and there to listen to this
vicious evil man claim he knows what’s best for you and me and
everyone else. This
five-time deferment case will question Senator Kerry’s devotion to
flag and country and actually try to make people think he’s right.
Well, of course, he is
right- -far right- -a man who makes Louis XIV seem like a liberal man of
the people. Let them eat cake. Heck,
let them eat corned beef- -although coming from Vice President Rump
Roast that would probably be, “F**k (not heck), let them eat corned
beef and see if I f**king care.”
You gotta admit, the Creepy Veep has moved up in the world from
calling New York Times journalist Adam Clymer an “a-hole” during the
2000 campaign to going straight for the “F” word in 2004. How clever will he be next?
His elocutionary skills are mind boggling. Now
here’s one other thought. Both of these men, Cheney and Husseiney, figure prominently
in the reelection campaign of Junior Bush.
Saddam must be in the middle of his three-ring circus in Baghdad
so he gets plenty of front page ink, and Wee Georgie can claim all the
credit as if he actually went
to Tikrit and pulled Saddam out of his rat hole himself.
Big Dick also needs to make his mark on the populace by seeming
to be out and about and not holed-up the way Saddam used to be.
Usually the Vice President is squirreled away in some undisclosed
location. This week that
location was the Football Hall Of Fame in Canton, Ohio, where he
actually interacted with other visitors stunned to see him out in the
daylight. He’s travelling
on a brightly painted bus. Don’t
the terrorists know this? Maybe
they’re too busy at lap dance clubs to watch TV. Or maybe
they’re too busy keeping up their relationship with Saddam- -sending
him cookies in prison and shifting the hiding places of some more WMDs.
Truth is the
first casualty of war. It
also disappears early from political campaigns.
Presently we have both. All
governments lie. It’s the
nature of staying in business. This
administration has outdone itself and made the world think differently
of us. Unfortunately
the majority of the world’s citizens now hate our guts, whereas before
we were just thought of as boorish and rude.
That’s quite an accomplishment in such a short period of time. We have no
choice but to claim our country back from these miscreants.
Otherwise we will all be corned beef. |
