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In an email someone
wrote, "People may not remember exactly what you did or what you
said but they will always remember how you made them feel." We like to think we
help people by our egoic blasts of anger. We speak of
"straightening them out" and "tuning them up." The
truth is we never straighten people out or tune up people by making them
feel bad. I fondly remember Mrs.
Langston, our school nurse. I hated school so I would welcome headaches
or any kind of pain so I could go to her area and lay on a cot a while.
She sensed my hatred for school. Instead of lecturing me, she made me
feel good. She would tell me what great things I had to offer. I
remember she even complimented me on my high forehead. She said it
showed intelligence. Yes, I remember how she made me feel. Lately I have been
thinking of Mrs. Langston and how sweetly she turn me in the right
direction. I asked myself, "Who are the other significant people in
my life who helped turn me toward success and happiness?" The
common thing on the list was they made me feel good. Until we can find
something good in a person, we cannot help them. Banging their heads
over weaknesses fixates their attention and ours on weaknesses and a
fixation on weakness cannot direct a person's consciousness toward
success. One of my skills in
politics was winning over opponents. My secret was simple: I just made a
mental list of all their good qualities and praised them for those
things. It had to be something I genuinely admired. False or faint
praise does no good. Try a little
experiment. The rest of this month, don't criticize people. Make it a
point to see at least one good quality in each person you are around.
Praise those things. You may never want to go back to beating people to
death over their faults. Once in a seminar
people were paired up and then told, "Tell each other every good
thing you see in them." By the end of the session, we had really
bonded. Some of the things were trivial ("I like the color of your
hair") but even a tiny, sincere compliment can make someone feel
much better. And when they feel better about their own self, they will
feel better toward you. DR's website is www.daltonroberts.com.
His writings are gathered at www.ipsfeatures.com.
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