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Four years ago, Mickey Mouse could have beaten George Dubya Bush for the White House. Unfortunately, Al Gore was the candidate. Gore’s campaign was so somber he made Dracula look like laughing boy. Dubya won, naturally. This year Donald Duck could beat George Dubya Bush in a contest for the White House. But Donald is not running. John Kerry is. It would be hard to find a more humorless, colorless candidate than Kerry. He might be the most brilliant, capable to run for office. He can’t project that to the average person. He comes across as a stuffed shirt with no personality. When he makes a speech, Kerry seems to be reading from a script intended to loose the listener’s interest and put him to sleep. Before he took speech therapy, Dubya stuttered and stammered his way through every speech. He walked with an effeminate prissiness. His speech and determined gait are patterned after John Wayne after a lot of coaching. Kerry ought to find the same teacher—fast. It may be too late for him to change his style into one with charisma. His only hope is to find a running mate who can get voters’ attention. More than likely he will walk down the same path as Gore, who picked someone even more dull than he was. Joe Liberman. People like Gephart are retreads and likeable but uninteresting as a Kerry running partner. Someone like John Edwards or even Wesley Clark on the ticket would be an asset. Edwards has the charm reminiscent of Jack Kennedy. Clark offers stability and forcefulness. But that would make sense and Democrats seem to enjoy losing. Gone are the colorful candidates like Harry Truman and Jack Kennedy. Truman had character. Kennedy had appeal, and he kept his romantic encounters private with the collusion of the media who had more discretion in his day. Clinton had the charisma of a “bad boy” who says, “As soon as I get out of this trouble, I’ll get into something else. But you’ll still like me.” A hypocritical Republican Congress endeared Clinton to the people with the farce of an impeachment over a sexual encounter. Kenneth Starr disgraced the dignity of the government by bullying a defense girl into lurid details of sexual activity that would be banned in a book in Boston. Clinton would win the presidency again if he could run. But look at some of the other candidates the Democratic Party has offered. Jimmy Carter beat Gerald Ford’s reelection when he ran as “Jimmy Who?” When he got to the Oval Office he forgot what he was there for, and would have made a better evangelist preacher than chief executive of the United States. Along the way have been such forgettable candidates as Muskie, McGovern, Mondale. And who will ever forget that photo op of Dukas peeping out of a tank with a cap on, riding around a drill field. He looked like a child playing games, not a man who could run the country. George W. Bush is seeking reelection to a second term carrying the unenviable baggage of three years that have staggered the country and the world. He took over a country with a comfortable surplus and quickly managed to chip away at the stability with the speed a “tax and spend” Democrat could envy. He kept good on campaign promises for the wealthy with tax cuts. The little guy got $600. That translates to $50 a month. Not enough to take the family out to dinner. He took supposed intelligence information any James Bond would laugh at. He convinced the majority of Americas Saddam Hussein was the nucleus of all terrorism. The American people—and Democrats as well as Republicans—bought into the danger of Iraq launching an attack on America with nuclear missiles and germ warfare. The United Nations didn’t buy it. Neither did NATO. Our old friends in Europe had more sense. They would not join in a preemptive invasion of a sovereign nation without provocation. Bush created a paper tiger with a coalition of such countries as Iceland and Spain The invasion of Iraq started as a preemptive strike to protect the world from Weapons of Mass Destruction. When it became obvious there were none, the drumbeaters changed the Wall Street slogan to Iraqi Freedom. No matter that the people of Iraq, other than those living luxuriously in exile, didn’t invite us. No rose petals on the street for the liberators. Guerrillas have proved a more formidable adversary than the Iraqi army during the invasion. The American military is trained to fight a battle, not occupy an unfriendly country. Although he can’t bring himself to say he’s sorry or apologize for making a mistake, Bush has had to go back to the United Nations for help. It wasn’t his fault, after all. It was the incompetence of all those he relied on: Tenant, Rumsfeld, Rice. The world stability is enflamed in terrorism. The world economy is shaky. Americans have become unwelcome in foreign country, even urged to go home to avoid danger. Even though Dubya has a majority disapproving of his tenure, Kerry stumbles along with a slim lead that changes daily. Bush will likely win as the least unpopular, which has nothing to do with ability. What this country needs is Donald Duck for President. No one would understand what he says. Therefore, no harm would be done. Come to think of it though—is Donald a Democrat or Republican? Maybe he is a Green Party duck and waiting for Ralph Nader to step aside for him.
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